In the future we'll all be gay
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
