rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
