I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
