Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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