Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
