Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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