You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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