the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The uberlube is also flammable
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
