i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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