I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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