I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
