i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
