I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
