your thong is hanging out like whoa
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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