dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
