Do you still have your period?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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