my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
