I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
