either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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