I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
