It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
