brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
