I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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