someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
