She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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