She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
