evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i think i just naturally attract stoners
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
