theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
