to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
