Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
