i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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