filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
