i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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