So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
