New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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