I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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