I CAN MOONWALK!
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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