And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My vagina just clenched in fear
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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