In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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