I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
