dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
