Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
