why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
