she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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