wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
