I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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