Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
