i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
