Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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