If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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