I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
