Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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