I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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