i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
