soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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