Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
