How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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