My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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