Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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