Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude i'm inner monologue high
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Randomize
