in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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