So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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