We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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