youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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