We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
