someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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