the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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