Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
