we made out on top of his cat.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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