The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
