i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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