u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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