I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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