You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
