So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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