I want to stick my p in your. b.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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