i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize