I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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