two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
