I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
