The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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