dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize